This is from a Blog that I saved years ago, by a man who
used to send us funny Blogs to read, so I hope he will forgive me
for sending it to out now. Chrystie
ADVICE ……..FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger When you notice this, try not to yell at them some are over-sensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Lana. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Lana to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club abut the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time, and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch at the Men’s Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
I think another symptom of aging is complaining.. for example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.But boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any – if you know what I mean. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I am a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, and just sit for a while, and as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Lana. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Jim died suddenly on June 28th of a perforated rectum, the police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha river II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
His wife, Lana, was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her ‘Not Guilty’, accepting her defense that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue as to what had just happened.
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
Now you may not realise this – up there with your vacuum cleaners & your cups of tea – but when I sit in my bouncing frame I can dance until I reach the blue plastic insect on a long spring.
I pull him over, then I stuff his cloth wings into my mouth. When I laugh then I dribble all over his wings & as I pull him out of my mouth the dribble makes long strings that go all over the padding round the bounceing frame.
The People laugh & wipe me all over & take me out - & you can guarantee they’ll want to change my nappy; they always do!
Sad thing is, the cloth wings on the plastic insect are so soggy when I’m done with it that my sister finds it when she climbs in for her turn.
Now, must go. I can hear them doing my bottle & I’m gasping for a good Drink!